Dan and Ross building a model airplane--(Thank you for the materials and idea, Jeff!)
The kids in their "Team Dan" gear
Friends and Family,
It seems like every one of my posts starts off with an apology, so I will I try to avoid that here. We have had a tough week this last time around. Nearing the end of my treatments has become difficult. I was told that the chemo and radiation have a cumulative effect on the body. Boy, whoever said that was right. Apparently every 5th radiation treatment, (after my brain gets a double dose from the mapping) the amount of radiation is increased. As of this coming Friday I will be at my highest dose of radiation ever. If you look closely at my head I have a tan line from the treatments. I also have a radiation burn on my forehead which tends to look pretty crispy by the time Friday rolls around. At first I thought it was really lousy that Florida Hospital would take the weekends off from treatments. Now I see the need for it!
I broke down for the first time on Thursday of last week. I woke up that day at 2:30 in the morning and could not go back to sleep. I know many of you suffer from the same problem I sometimes get. I call it racing brain. I wake up at some ridiculous hour in the early a.m. and my brain just starts going a 1,000 miles per hour. Try slowing that train down! The bizarre part is that my body and mind are not tired at that point in the morning. It is not until the time I need to be productive that I get tired. (Figures, right?) I missed taking the kids to school so I could attempt a few more hours of sleep. When Leah returned we started to talk and it just poured out. I have not let go like that since all this began back in early July. When I was initially given the news of my diagnosis my mother and Leah were both there with me. I felt I had to remain strong for them. When I eventually sat down with my counselors I felt I had to remain strong for him/her. (All this male macho crap was taking a toll on me.) I would have moments of tearing up when I read some of your posts, but this was Niagra Falls. I felt like a little baby. I don't know why I shared that with you, I just felt I needed to. The Lord is sometimes speaking to me in strange ways, I feel as though this is one of those times.
The children and Leah all seem to be doing well. I am doing more than I ever have with my family which is VERY nice. Last week I took the kids to school all but one day. I have become involved in after school activities which is very cool. Monday Ross and I start t-ball practice and on Saturday Mary Kathryn and I signed up for Indian Princesses. I am going to use this time that God has given me to the best of my abilities. I have felt like the absent father for all of my daughter and son's life. I know it is time to get involved.
It is amazing the support group of family and friends that we have. We are never lacking for food, rides, fellowship, babysitters, play dates, etc. All of y'all are amazing people and we love you. Tomorrow both of my parents arrive for the whole week. Leah and the kids and I can't wait to see them! My mother tends to come in and take over and we let her. It's awesome!
I once again feel very blessed with my current circumstance. I know that sounds crazy but it is true. I don't think anything short of a malignant brain tumor would have changed me so much. The hardest part will be the waiting at the end of my treatments. I will not have a conclusive MRI until two weeks after my last radiation treatment. The reason for this is apparently I will have "hot spots" from the radiation in my brain for awhile after the treatments are over. Oh well.
Thanks to everyone again for your love and support. We need it and love it and miss every one of you. Thank you so much for being there for us. You make us feel special. Thank the Lord for his blessing's and love upon all of us. I pray daily for all of you and for all of us.
Sincerely, with love,
Dan and Leah
